Distorted Thinking That We All Do When We're Not At Our Best - "Shoulds"

In this distorted thinking, you have a list of inflexible rules about how you and other people SHOULD act. In your eyes, the rules are right and inflexible and if any acts differently, the face your judgment and ire. People irritate you. They don't act right and don't think right. They have unacceptable habits and opinions that make them hard for you to tolerate. Cue words that show this distortion are should, ought or must. Albert Ellis called this thinking style "musterbation."

Not only are others being judged, but you are also making yourself suffer with shoulds. You feel compelled to do something or act a certain way even though you don't want to and it may not make sense.

Here are some of the most common and unreasonable shoulds:

• I should be the supreme example of love, courage, unselfishness, success, generosity (put your word here)
• I should always be the perfect lover, friend, parent, spouse, teacher, student (put your word here)
• I should be able to solve any problem quickly and to endure any hardship easily
• I should never feel hurt - I should always be happy and serene
• I should never make mistakes - I should always know, understand and foresee everything
• I should be totally self-reliant and never ask anyone for help
• I should never get tired or sick - I should always be at my best

What area of your life or what current or past situation may be causing you angst due to SHOULDS? What is another way to look at it?

Next Week: Distorted Thinking - Emotional Reasoning