Dr. Darlene Treese
Family Ties, Trials, and Traditions
"They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with
Family gatherings can mean so many different things to people within the same family. Some may be very excited about an event you are dreading and others may be dreading the event that brings you pleasure. It's all about personal goals, comfort zones, expectations, and communication. All happy families look pretty much the same. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. In thinking about your family - and your role in that family- it may be wise to emotionally detach and see things from another point of view.
If you consistently have conflict, examine what is really going on. Pinpoint the problem by noting when, where and why it happens and how you feel about it. Think about the needs of everyone concerned, including you. Notice what could improve the situation and who can help alleviate the problem. When you look at a situation from the perspective of how others see it, you get a different picture and fresh insight into different possibilities for resolution. Don't dig in your heels and insist on having your way or feel that you must be the martyr and continue the status quo. Look for areas of agreement to reduce defensiveness and open up communication.
People resist what is forced upon them and support what they have helped to create. When flexibility is an option, offer two choices that honor the desires and needs of all of you and takes you out of the battle. Make both options something you can live with. When others are involved in the decision-making process, they become responsible for the outcomes they experience. If they are unhappy with the result, they made the choice and are responsible for the consequences. When you respect other opinions, they are more likely to respect your requests.
We have the power to choose what we do when situations are difficult. Throughout our life we will mix and mingle with plenty of people who push our buttons. Basically, we have three choices for handling situations with difficult people:
As Theodore Rubin best summarizes: "The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
Dr. Darlene Treese, LPC, LMHC has been in private practice in hypnosis, coaching, counseling and consulting for over 30 years. She has been internationally acknowledged for her positive action and solution-based therapies with individuals, groups and corporations. "A person for the people," Dr. Dar is always available to help you get a grip on life, health and happiness to take that next step forward in creating the life you truly desire. She offers sessions at her Orlando office, as well as telephone and email consultations.
The services she offers include premarital and relationship counseling, marriage enrichment, personality tests and couple compatibility inventories, communication and mediation skills, dealing with the hard problems of abuse, addictions and affairs, CSI (couple sensitive individual therapy), Discernment Counseling for couples on the brink of divorce, and surviving divorce and single parenting.
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